Subject: Family (Page 6)

Adolescence is that period in a kid’s life when parents become more difficult.

(1941 – ) American actor
Age Children Family Parents

Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Education Learning School

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

Having a holiday weekend without a family member felt like putting on a sweater that had an extra arm.

(1975 – ) author, screenwriter & actress
Family

For my sister’s 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family

There is a special bathroom in heaven for the father of girls.

Children Family

Yes, but not the same ones.

American professor
Family

No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange.

Family Money Murphy’s Laws Relationships

If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

My family isn’t really Italian; we’re more like Olive Garden Italian.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Family Relationships

By the tine the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it to pieces.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Children Family

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

(1905 –1998) American author
Children Family Sex

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat… I might be failing as a father.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Family Fathers Sports

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Family Learning

There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.

(1935 – ) London-born American author & food commentator
Family Food/Drink Mothers

Children are a great comfort in your old age… and they help you reach it faster too.

Age Children Family Old

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

You know a man is a redneck if his mama keeps a spit-can on the ironin' board.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Family Mothers People Rednecks