Subject: Family (Page 8)

The Good Mommies’ Guide To Raising (Almost) Perfect Daughters

Book Titles Family Mothers

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

(1900 – 1944) French aristocrat, writer, poet & pioneering aviator
Children Family Intelligence Parents

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia; let them walk to school like I did!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Books Children Yogi-isms

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Children Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I can always tell when the mother-in-law’s coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Family Insults

Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Children

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs Learning

Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family Situations Sleep

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat… I might be failing as a father.

(1963 – ) American comedian & author
Family Fathers Sports

I had an advantage – I slept with his mother.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Children Family Football Mothers Sports

My old man… I told him I'm tired of running around in circles… so he nailed my other foot to the floor.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Fathers

You might be a redneck if… anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y’all watch this!”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Rednecks Situations

My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances.

British-Asian comedian
Family Mothers

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Children Family

I’ve been here eight months and have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn’t handle my mother.

comedian & television writer
Family Mothers Places

Twin: A double-take.

Definitions Family

Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Family Misspokements

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there’s always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.

writer
Children Family

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.

Age Children Family Learning