Subject: Family (Page 9)

You don’t have favorites among your children but you do have allies.

(1975 – ) British novelist
Children Family

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and says he’s doing nothing, but the dog is barking, call 911.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Situations

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Children

A teen-ager out of sight is like a kite in the clouds; even though you can’t see it you feel the tug on the string.

writer
Children Family

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Family Self Young

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Age Children Family Marriage Places

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

We are the people our parents warned us about.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Family Parents People

Insanity doesn’t run in my family; it gallops.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
Family

No child throws up in the bathroom.

Children Health Murphy’s Laws

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs Children

I love my family, but that is no reason why I need to acknowledge them in public.

(1929 – ) English actress & singer
Family TV/Movie Quotes

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

Life: A span of time of which the first half is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Children Definitions Parents

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Children People Situations Women

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Characteristics Children People Things

I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just never… lure them into my car; no, I'm kidding… I don’t have a license.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Children Communication Family Wordplay

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Children Eating People