Subject: Family » Parents (Page 3)

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Children Family Parents

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Characteristics Children Family Parents People

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer
Children Family Life Parents

They waited until I was 20 to tell me I was adopted, and then last Christmas, they told me they were kidding.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Family Parents

If you’ve never been hated by your child, you’ve never been a parent.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Children Emotions Family Parents

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Family Parents

You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Parents People Rednecks

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both seems like carelessness.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Parents Relationships

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Failure Family Murphy’s Laws Parents Problems Young

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

My parents divorced when I was one year old so I don't really remember any of the details, but luckily my mom does so she's been really helpful.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Age Family Old Parents Places

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Children Family Parents

When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action… they rented out my room.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Parents

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

As a child my parents said they believed in Santa Claus but that I didn’t exist.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Parents