Subject: Food/Drink (Page 12)

If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age Death Food/Drink Health

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full; I say, are you going to drink that?

Food/Drink

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol People Rednecks

If you can eat anything you want to, what’s the fun in eating anything you want to?

(1956 – ) American movie actor
Eating Emotions Food/Drink Happiness

I take him to McDonald’s just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Food/Drink

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Food/Drink Government Law

Secretary: Someday you’ll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

Thou shalt not covet they neighbors’s house… unless they have a well-stocked bar.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Characteristics Food/Drink

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex… except for salami and eggs; now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Life Sex

I was vegan for a while… I lost 6 lbs, but most of that was personality.

British comedian
Food/Drink

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Everything is cold except what should be.

Cold Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Spaghetti… I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Food/Drink

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

(1964 – ) American founder, president, CEO & chairman of Amazon
Food/Drink Places