Subject: Food/Drink (Page 13)

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

It was cool, man, but I’m a little depressed they didn’t have a buffet.

300+ pound American football player
Food/Drink Football Sports

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait…wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Love makes the world go ‘round? Not at all; whiskey makes it go ‘round twice as fast.

(1883–1972) British writer, cultural commentator & Scottish nationalist
Alcohol Food/Drink

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host
Communication Eating Food/Drink Self Speech

You're supposed to eat the cows; they're great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Eating Food/Drink Life

Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories
Alcohol Food/Drink

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Dating Food/Drink Relationships

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

It's easy to distract fat people; it's a piece of cake.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

Man can not live by bread alone … he must have peanut butter.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Life

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Food/Drink

Oh graytin potatoes

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Food/Drink Malaprops

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Men People Women

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Food/Drink