Subject: Food/Drink (Page 13)

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

You know they call corn-on-the-cob – corn-on-the-cob… but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, – corn-off-the-cob.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.

Food/Drink Intelligence People Thinking

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Horse ovaries

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Food/Drink Malaprops

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Congress Food/Drink Government Law

You don’t eat Mexican food – you just rent it.

(1952 – ) British stand-up comedian, actor & author
Food/Drink

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink People Situations Women

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

I think Pringle’s intention was to make tennis balls, but the day the rubber was supposed to show up, they got a big load of potatoes instead; but Pringles was a laid-back company and they said, "f**k it, cut 'em up."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Situations

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it’s just the opposite; green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the heck did you get that banana?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Man can not live by bread alone … he must have peanut butter.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Life

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

His mind was like a soup dish, wide and shallow; it could hold a small amount of nearly anything, but the slightest jarring spilled the soup into somebody's lap.

(1903 – 1989) American writer
Food/Drink Insults Intelligence

Fettucini Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink People

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Emotions Food/Drink Happiness

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box, so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Beer Food/Drink

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink