Subject: Food/Drink (Page 14)

The thing restaurants always boast about now is home made cooking… I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here, because I don’t like the s**t at home!

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Food/Drink

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

I went to a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries…’ the girl at the counter said, ‘would you like some fries with that?’

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Food/Drink Situations

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol Appearance Health

One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded than when it is half empty; it seems that the less the staff has to do, the slower they do it.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Children Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Life Problems

Spaghetti… I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

A tavern is a place where madness is sold by the bottle.  

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Alcohol Food/Drink

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Animals Eating Food/Drink

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist
Cooking Food/Drink Life Time

I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink

The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

A biscuit takes up moisture when it goes stale and becomes limp; a cake loses moisture and becomes hard.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

How’s a beer sound, Norm?

I dunno, I usually finish them before they get a word in.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Kissing don’t last: cookery do!

(1828 –1909) English novelist & poet
Cooking Food/Drink