Subject: Food/Drink (Page 16)

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England Food/Drink Places

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Food/Drink School

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories
Alcohol Food/Drink

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

I was vegan for a while… I lost 6 lbs, but most of that was personality.

British comedian
Food/Drink

Square meals often make round people.

American entrepreneur & author
Appearance Body Cooking Fat Food/Drink

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Food/Drink Places

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full; I say, are you going to drink that?

Food/Drink

I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Animals Food/Drink

I never eat in a restaurant that’s over a hundred feet off the ground and won’t stand still.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink

There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

I came from a real tough neighborhood; in the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Places

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn’t feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Friends Marriage Old People

Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health