Subject: Food/Drink (Page 18)

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

You know they call corn-on-the-cob – corn-on-the-cob… but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, – corn-off-the-cob.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The meal is not over when I'm full – the meal is over when I hate myself.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

(1899 – 1957) film actor

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I gave that man the drunkest years of my life.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.

professional baseball player & manager

If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper; well, then they screwed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

They say Flintstonesvitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?… where does the glue go?"

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Nothing makes steak as efficiently as a cow.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor