Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Sunday, February 23, 2025
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 18)
Business Lunch: Lunch.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Business Lunch
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol
Appearance
Beer
Body
Men
A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing.
Samuel Johnson
(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Food/Drink
Cucumbers
I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Waffles
You know they call corn-on-the-cob –
corn-on-the-cob…
but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it
corn,
and every other type of corn, –
corn-off-the-cob.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Corn-on-the-cob
The meal is not over when I'm full – the meal is over when I hate myself.
Louis C.K.
Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director
Appearance
Body
Eating
Fat
Food/Drink
Self-esteem
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart
(1899 – 1957) film actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Fred Allen
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink
Health
Bottle
Lobotomy
The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Beer
Food/Drink
Golf
Sports
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
George Best
(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player
Alcohol
People
Women
20 minutes
I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking
Food/Drink
Self
I gave that man the drunkest years of my life.
Megan Mullally
(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Karen Walker on “Will & Grace”
Drunk
I’d like to help you, but you don’t drink.
Bob Lemon
professional baseball player & manager
Alcohol
Baseball
Sports
To Don Kessinger when asked for advice on managing
If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.
Joe E. Lewis
(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Driving
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol
Death
Lemons
Parties
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Eating
Food/Drink
Sex
Lunch
The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper; well, then they screwed up!
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Dr. Pepper
They say
Flintstones
vitamins are chewable; all vitamins are chewable, it's just that they taste shitty.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Eating
Food/Drink
Chewable
Vitamins
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?… where does the glue go?"
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking
Food/Drink
Science/Weather
Cake
Glue
Nothing makes steak as efficiently as a cow.
Solomon Short
David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals
Food/Drink
Artificial food
Cow
Steak
God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.
Patrick Murray
(1956 – ) English actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
People
Ireland
Page 18 of 47
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