Subject: Food/Drink (Page 2)

Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.

Food/Drink People

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

I'm sick of 'soup of the day,' it's time we made a decision.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Food/Drink Language

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

Men are simple things; they can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Diana Jordan American humorist & author
Beer Men People

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… the refrigerator.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol

Beer… so much more than just a breakfast drink.

Beer Food/Drink

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.

Expressions Food/Drink

Never buy a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

I practice when I’m loaded.

(1925 – 1985) American jazz saxophonist
Alcohol Entertainment Music

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.

Definitions Food/Drink

Never drink anything that’s still on fire.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Our rabbi is so poor that if he didn’t fast every Monday and Thursday, he’d starve to death.

Eating Food/Drink Money Poverty

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

(1941 – 2003) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.

(1946 – ) Romanian-born American poet, novelist, essayist & commentator
Books Communication Food/Drink