Subject: Food/Drink (Page 20)

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink

I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive… the refrigerator.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.

comedian
Dating Eating Food/Drink Relationships

She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Food/Drink

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Men will cook if danger is involved.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink Men People

I think they should put the wrapper of a straw on the inside because that is the part you don't want to get dirty.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money Poverty

I’m so holy that when I touch wine, it turns into water.

(1877 – 1957) 48th Imam of the Nizari Ismaili community & [founder &] president of the All-India Muslim League
Alcohol Food/Drink

Drinking should be done in the privacy of one’s home, where it’s necessary.

(1921 – ) American actor
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Conflict Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I’ve never been swimming, and that’s because it’s never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities Eating Food/Drink Sports

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Past Things Time

I thought I would have a quiet pint … and about 17 noisy ones.

British rugby player
Beer Food/Drink Sports

I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Food/Drink

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money

The announcement of the disqualification was greeted by booze from the spectators at the pool.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

Woody: How’s it going Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Poor.
Woody: I’m sorry to hear that.
Norm: No, I mean pour.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives