Subject: Food/Drink (Page 23)

England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.

(1934 – ) comedian
Food/Drink Places Sex

Coach: What’s new, Norm?

Norm: I need something to hold me over until my second beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

I only drink to steady my nerves… sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

If you drink O’Douls, you don’t drink; and if you drink twenty… you’re a non-alcoholic.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… your your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol Beer Entertainment People Rednecks

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

comedian
Communication Food/Drink Language

Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink

I hate reality… but nevertheless, it’s still the only place to get a good steak.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink Life

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Farkerhouse rolls.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Food/Drink Malaprops

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

freelance writer
Alcohol Time

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.

(1930 – 1978) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink Time

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I was vegan for a while… I lost 6 lbs, but most of that was personality.

British comedian
Food/Drink

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions