Subject: Food/Drink (Page 24)

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

Coach: What will it be, Normie?

Norm: A transfusion with a head on it.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.

Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
America England Food/Drink Places

[to campers] Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised; and there's a reason – all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Past Time

How do you like yer possum… fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it?

(1902 – 1973) American actress
Cooking

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.

(1901 – 1970) American journalist & author
Eating Emotions Food/Drink Happiness

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

(1897-1987) actress & comedian
Eating Food/Drink

Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

(1890 – 1937) author
Activities Alcohol Dance

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Food/Drink Signs

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake; I feel better already!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink Self

The thing restaurants always boast about now is home made cooking… I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here, because I don’t like the s**t at home!

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Food/Drink

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Murphy’s Laws Old

General Mills is coming out with an organic Twinkie; isn't that called a sponge?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Food/Drink

Hey I’m high on life, Coach… of course, beer is my life.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer Life TV/Movie Quotes

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one, so, I got a cake.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

They say hot dogs can kill you; how do you know it’s not the bun?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Food/Drink

The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws