Subject: Food/Drink (Page 26)

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Conflict Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.


Activities Alcohol Food/Drink

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one, so, I got a cake.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Things

The best research [for playing a drunk] is being a British actor for 20 years.

(1933 – ) English actor
Acting Alcohol Food/Drink Places

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

(1953 – ) American singer, songwriter, actor, author & radio personality
Activities Alcohol

I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Eating Food/Drink Marriage

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

Alcohol Food/Drink

No matter how many hot dogs you consume at home, they always taste better at the ball park.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely related to the quality of the information.

Food/Drink Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Science is seeking a cure for thirst and I happen to be the guinea pig.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Eating Food/Drink

Harry Payne Bosterly: You’re drunk!

Harold: And you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

Beware the hobby that eats.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Activities Eating Food/Drink