Subject: Food/Drink (Page 27)

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes, and I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

I think Pringle’s intention was to make tennis balls, but the day the rubber was supposed to show up, they got a big load of potatoes instead; but Pringles was a laid-back company and they said, "f**k it, cut 'em up."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Situations

You might be a redneck if… you think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

Dorito Syndrome: Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content.

Definitions Food/Drink

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.

(1903 – 1985) American chef & food writer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist
Cooking Food/Drink Life Time

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it’s just the opposite; green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the heck did you get that banana?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

The main difference between playing League and Union is that now I get my hangovers on Monday instead of Sunday.

Alcohol Food/Drink Sports

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Alcohol Situations

He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Food/Drink

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

I had some Chinese food the other day, and the fortune cookie was dead on about me; it said, ‘Your cholesterol just went up.’

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Food/Drink

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

American comedian
Food/Drink Government

I can’t die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.

(1904 – 1995) American comedian, jazz musician & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Self

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, “Pass the salt;” I said, “Screw you! Sit closer to the salt.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink