Subject: Food/Drink (Page 27)

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Food/Drink

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

freelance writer
Alcohol Time

The thing restaurants always boast about now is home made cooking… I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here, because I don’t like the s**t at home!

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Food/Drink

I was well warned about English food, so it did not surprise me, but I do wonder sometimes, how they ever manage to prise [lever] it up long enough to get a plate under it.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
England Food/Drink Insults Places

In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, 'Sorry, we're open.’

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink Places

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Life Problems

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol Food/Drink Insults People

You know they call corn-on-the-cob – corn-on-the-cob… but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, – corn-off-the-cob.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.


Activities Alcohol Food/Drink

There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Food/Drink People Things

In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

You can't fall off the floor.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, “Pass the salt;” I said, “Screw you! Sit closer to the salt.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

Eating Expressions Food/Drink Money Poverty