Subject: Food/Drink (Page 29)

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

comedian
Eating Food/Drink

The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Food/Drink People

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass; the refill contained the antidote.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Food/Drink

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

I think the British have the distinction above all other nations of being able to put new wine into old bottles without bursting them.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Food/Drink People Places

Fields reloading!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

By the way, you don’t have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade; you could just be a thirsty dude; Gatorade forgets about this demographic!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

They say hot dogs can kill you; how do you know it’s not the bun?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Food/Drink

I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Appearance Body Drugs Eating Fat

You guys keeping up on that Jeffrey Dahmer thing, the guy that ate 17 people?… you know, I could understand one or two, but 17 – you're eating just to eat.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Eating Food/Drink Situations

He was a wise man who invented beer.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Beer Food/Drink

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Characteristics Food/Drink Health

I like eating Black Forest ham because it sounds like I had to kill a troll to get it.

comedian
Food/Drink

My husband says I feed him like he's a god: every meal is a burnt offering.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress
Cooking Food/Drink

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol