Subject: Food/Drink (Page 34)

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Rebecca: You guys, I have my new wedding dress. And now all I need is something old, something borrowed, and something blue.

Carla: How ‘bout Norm’s liver?

(1948 – ) American actress
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies; mine read, “Be quiet for a little while” Hand his read, “Talk while you have a chance.”

Food/Drink Situations

If you are allergic to alcohol… can you take shots for that?

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

I have a decaffeinated coffee table… you’d never know it to look at it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Things

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Activities America Food/Drink Places Travel

Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Time

I don’t like dogs… keep getting mustard on my catcher’s mitt.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Fairs are good places to eat, particularly for stand-up eaters – which is one of the kinds of eaters I am, although when I eat standing up away from home I sometimes miss the familiar cool breeze coming from the open refrigerator.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… you believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Work

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Alcohol People Situations

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Food/Drink Marriage

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Alcohol Food/Drink Time

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Men People Women

You might be a redneck if… you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Art Entertainment Food/Drink

Leftovers: Repast history.

Definitions Food/Drink