Subject: Food/Drink (Page 35)

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Food/Drink Money Old

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Food/Drink

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes, and I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Your favorite kind of cake can’t be birthday cake, that’s like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Cookin’ With Coolio

Book Titles Cooking Food/Drink

This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine.


Food/Drink

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly, but I am too young to eat prunes… I am between grapes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Food/Drink

Some guy was like, 'I like the taste of orange juice and baby medicine; can we combine that?'

(1977 – ) American actor & comedian
Food/Drink

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Conflict Food/Drink Killing

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink Places

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass; the refill contained the antidote.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.

Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Conflict Fights Food/Drink

Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers… they are obviously alcoholics.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Places Politicians

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink