Subject: Food/Drink (Page 36)

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw  at me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Food/Drink

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.

author
Alcohol Food/Drink Science/Weather

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason… now I have a reason.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink People Situations

She makes pancakes so thin they’ve got just one side to them.

Expressions Food/Drink Frugal Money

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

Alcohol is ok in modification.

Alcohol Food/Drink Malaprops

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Money Wealth

In a family recipe that you discovered in an old book, the most vital measurement will be illegible.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

[to campers] Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last forty years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Eating Food/Drink Marriage

If you stop eating donuts you will live three years longer; it’s just three more years that you want a donut.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Death Food/Drink Life

The best audience is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.

(1877 – 1956) U.S. vice president & politician
Alcohol People Situations

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Past Things Time

I only drink to steady my nerves… sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Eating Food/Drink Proverbs Situations Sleep