Subject: Food/Drink (Page 38)

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me…maybe I put them on too soon.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Food/Drink Sex

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.

author
Alcohol Food/Drink Science/Weather

People who eat natural foods will die of natural causes.

Food/Drink

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Alcohol Intelligence Memory Situations

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

You cannot trust people who have such bad cuisine; it is the country with the worst food after Finland.

(1932 – ) French statesman & president
England Food/Drink Places

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

The French, they say, live to eat; the English, on the other hand, eat to die.

(1949 – ) English novelist
Eating England People Places

What’s a sesame seed grow into? … I don’t know we never give them a chance… what the f**k is a sesame?! … it’s a street… it’s a way to open shit…

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Politicians

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

Anything that you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, singer & director
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Politicians

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink

I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink.

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Misspokements

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

The only thing worse than a husband who never notices what you cook or what you wear is a husband who always notices what you cook and what you wear.

Appearance Cooking Food/Drink Husbands Marriage Murphy’s Laws