Subject: Food/Drink (Page 38)

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go; on a banana, it’s just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, “Where’d you get that banana?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

It was cool, man, but I’m a little depressed they didn’t have a buffet.

300+ pound American football player
Food/Drink Football Sports

Eating will now be an entirely new ball game. I might have to buy a new pair of trousers.

English jockey
Appearance Eating Sports

Never buy a drink for the road, because the road is already laid out.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating Food/Drink Mothers

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Food/Drink Money Poverty Young

If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Eating Food/Drink Places

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day you're off it.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health

I’m not very domestic… for years my children though mold was a frosting.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Cooking Food/Drink People Self

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Our rabbi is so poor that if he didn’t fast every Monday and Thursday, he’d starve to death.

Eating Food/Drink Money Poverty

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian
Eating Men People Shopping War Women

The reason it’s called “Grape Nuts” is that it … is catchier, in terms of marketing, than “A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel,” which is what it tastes like.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Cooking Food/Drink Self

He was a wise man who invented beer.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Beer Food/Drink