Subject: Food/Drink (Page 39)

Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator
Alcohol Food/Drink Golf Sports

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

(1934 – 1996) American astronomer, astrophysicist & author
Cooking Food/Drink Science/Weather

Fifty Shades of Chicken

Book Titles Cooking Food/Drink

Sam: Beer, Norm?

Norm: Have I gotten that predictable? Good.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

What’ll it be, Normie?

Just the usual, Coach… I’ll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly, but I am too young to eat prunes… I am between grapes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Food/Drink

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road.


Food/Drink

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Food/Drink

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

I saw this woman breast-feeding in a movie theater; I was disgusted so I finally said to her, “Hey lady, no outside food is permitted!”

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

No matter how many beautifully crafted, near-to-perfection baked goods you crank out on a regular basis, the moment one such item becomes required in some official capacity, it will flop.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

My wife’s a bad cook; the other night, she fixed alphabet soup – it spelled out “Help!”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

My uncle was the town drunk… and we lived in Chicago.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don’t want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Food/Drink

Man: I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time.

Fields: A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink