Subject: Food/Drink (Page 4)

The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat.

What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?

Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Turkey can never beat cow.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

Call me old-fashioned Cliff, but the only thing I like floating in my beer is my liver.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.

(1952 – ) comedian

Whenever you see the word “cuisine” used instead of the word “food,” be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

You know they call corn-on-the-cob – corn-on-the-cob… but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it corn, and every other type of corn, – corn-off-the-cob.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

My father drank beer in the morning; later in the day he drank anything.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host

After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.ating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)

One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded than when it is half empty; it seems that the less the staff has to do, the slower they do it.

If you drink O’Douls, you don’t drink; but if you drink 20 O’Douls in a half hour, then you’re a non-alcoholic.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I'm sick of 'soup of the day,' it's time we made a decision.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

[to campers] Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer

The English never smash in a face; they merely refrain from asking it to dinner.

(1910 – 1997) American writer

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

I don’t even butter my bread… I consider that cooking.

American socialite