Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 4)
The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat.
The Party Law
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Guests
Parties
What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner?
Zach Golden
Book Titles
Cooking
Food/Drink
Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Hunger
Rice cakes
Turkey can never beat cow.
Nick Offerman
(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Ron Swanson in “Parks and Recreation”
Call me old-fashioned Cliff, but the only thing I like floating in my beer is my liver.
Norm
George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer
TV/Movie Quotes
As Norm Peterson in “Cheers”
Liver
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping; men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler
(1952 – ) comedian
Eating
Men
People
Shopping
War
Women
Whenever you see the word “cuisine” used instead of the word “food,” be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Eating
Food/Drink
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
Chili Cook's Secret
Cooking
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Ingredients
You know they call corn-on-the-cob –
corn-on-the-cob…
but that's how it comes out of the ground. They should just call it
corn,
and every other type of corn, –
corn-off-the-cob.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Corn-on-the-cob
My father drank beer in the morning; later in the day he drank anything.
Deborah Kerr
(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Alcohol
Beer
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Terry McKay in “An Affair to Remember”
Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.
Anonymous
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Fiber
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Jack Benny
(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Eating
Food/Drink
Hors D'oeuvres
After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual “food” out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.ating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps.
Miss Piggy
Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
Artichoke
One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the customer usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded than when it is half empty; it seems that the less the staff has to do, the slower they do it.
Harris's Restaurant Paradox
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Crowds
Restaurants
Riddles
Speed
If you drink O’Douls, you don’t drink; but if you drink 20 O’Douls in a half hour, then you’re a non-alcoholic.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Alcoholism
Non-alcoholic beer
I'm sick of 'soup of the day,' it's time we made a decision.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Soup of the day
[to campers] Attention. Here’s an update on tonight’s dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight’s mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed “some kind of beef.”
Bill Murray
(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
As Tripper in “Meatballs”
Mystery meat
I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.
Chelsea Peretti
(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink
Vegan diet
The English never smash in a face; they merely refrain from asking it to dinner.
Margaret Halsey
(1910 – 1997) American writer
England
Food/Drink
Insults
Places
A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness… from all the free drinks.
Craig Kilborn
(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol
Appearance
Health
Breast implants
I don’t even butter my bread… I consider that cooking.
Katherine Cebrian
American socialite
Cooking
Food/Drink
Page 4 of 47
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