Subject: Food/Drink (Page 42)

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

I’m going to take the high road, and just because I’m high.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass; the refill contained the antidote.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Death

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

(1934 – 1996) American astronomer, astrophysicist & author
Cooking Food/Drink Science/Weather

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Activities America Food/Drink Places Travel

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

(1916 – 1986) American poet, translator & etymologist
Alcohol Food/Drink

My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Cooking Food/Drink

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

Call me old-fashioned Cliff, but the only thing I like floating in my beer is my liver.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Never drink anything that’s still on fire.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Cats Food/Drink Things

Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Body Food/Drink Self

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go; on a banana, it’s just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, “Where’d you get that banana?”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

There must be a mistake: you’ve accidentally given me the food my food eats.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

Never order a drink where you get to keep the glass.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman
Food/Drink Situations

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much… then again, don’t drink too little.

Age Alcohol Murphy’s Laws Old