Subject: Food/Drink (Page 45)

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly, but I am too young to eat prunes… I am between grapes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Food/Drink

The Chinese food in China is not better than the Chinese food here, mostly because of differences of definitions of words that we have – like, for example, 'beef.'

(1960 – ) American comedian
Communication Definitions Food/Drink Language

When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories
Alcohol Food/Drink

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Food/Drink Places

Do you know what I love most about baseball? … the pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt… and that’s just in the hot dogs.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Baseball Food/Drink Sports

Tofu is made of soybeans, water, and magnesium chloride.

Food/Drink Translations

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato; now correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s pizza.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink

There can be nothing more frequent than an occasional drink.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… your your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol Beer Entertainment People Rednecks

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Alcohol Money Women

Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?

Norm: No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer

The thing restaurants always boast about now is home made cooking… I don’t want home made cooking, that’s why I’m here, because I don’t like the s**t at home!

(1964 – ) English comedian, writer, actor & musician
Food/Drink

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Situations Work

I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Sam: What’d you like Normie?

Norm: A reason to live. Give me another beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

I would have become a Hare Krishna but I didn’t want to become a vegetarian… and that is honestly the reason why – because I’m Italian, I love meatballs!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Food/Drink Misspokements

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first; by the second day, you’re off it.

(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian
Food/Drink

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Marriage Wives