Subject: Food/Drink (Page 8)

I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Food/Drink

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don’t want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Food/Drink

There is no difference between someone who eats too little and sees Heaven and someone who drinks too much and sees snakes.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Alcohol Food/Drink

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Food/Drink Time

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

By the way, you don’t have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade; you could just be a thirsty dude; Gatorade forgets about this demographic!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Food/Drink Places

If it tastes good, you can't have it; if it tastes awful, you'd better clean your plate.

Characteristics Food/Drink Health

Never eat more than you can lift.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

Once a dish is fouled up, anything added to save it only makes it worse.

Cooking Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

One more drink and I'd be under the host.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Wine we need for health, and the health we need to drink vodka.

(1938 – 2010) Russian politician
Alcohol Food/Drink

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed… she said one pig in the blanket was enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Food/Drink Situations

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Eating Food/Drink Housework