Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 9)
Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn’t even get his degree.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Mr. Pibb
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.
Tracey Ullman
(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter
Eating
Food/Drink
Mothers
Also Calvin Trillin
Leftovers
Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Casserole
Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Hors D'oeuvres
Men are simple things; they can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
Diana Jordan
Diana Jordan American humorist & author
Beer
Men
People
Remote control
In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.
Jose Simon
(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician
Definitions
Food/Drink
Places
Mexico
Sushi
I went to a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries…’ the girl at the counter said, ‘would you like some fries with that?’
Jay Leno
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Food/Drink
Situations
French fries
McDonald's
A balanced meal is whatever stays on the spoon en route to a baby’s mouth.
Kathy Lette
(1958 – ) Australian author
Children
Family
Food/Drink
When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.
Rule of the Great
Food/Drink
Intelligence
People
Thinking
Respect
Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.
Robert Redford
(1937 – ) American actor, director, producer, environmentalist & philanthropist
Food/Drink
Health food
Oreos
I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.
Ron White
(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Vegetarianism
I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics
Food/Drink
Carefree gum
I’m in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants; I’d let just about everybody in except the English.
Calvin Trillin
(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England
Food/Drink
Places
Restaurants
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Cooking
Eating
Food/Drink
TV/Movie Quotes
From “Play It Again
Sam”
TV dinners
I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.
Chelsea Peretti
(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink
Vegan diet
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking
Food/Drink
Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.
Ed Byrne
(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
Hermione Gingold
(1897-1987) actress & comedian
Eating
Food/Drink
Diets
My favorite animal is steak.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals
Food/Drink
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Alcohol
Communication
Food/Drink
Reading/Writing
Evil
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
Dieter's Law
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Calories
Taste
Page 9 of 47
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