Subject: Food/Drink (Page 9)

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn’t even get his degree.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers… the original meal was never found.

(1959 – ) British/American actress, comedian, director, author & screenwriter

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Men are simple things; they can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Diana Jordan American humorist & author

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi… bait.

(1945 – 2008) American comedian & musician

I went to a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries…’ the girl at the counter said, ‘would you like some fries with that?’

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

A balanced meal is whatever stays on the spoon en route to a baby’s mouth.

(1958 – ) Australian author

When someone you greatly admire and respect appears to be thinking deep thoughts, they are probably thinking about lunch.

Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.

(1937 – ) American actor, director, producer, environmentalist & philanthropist

I didn't climb to the top of the f**kin' food chain to eat carrots.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I’m in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants; I’d let just about everybody in except the English.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I just think my least favorite part of the vegan diet is the verbal part where they explain it to you… it’s just endless.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

(1897-1987) actress & comedian

My favorite animal is steak.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.