Subject: Government » Congress

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Death Government Taxes

Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is another two years in office.

(1955 – ) American sportswriter
Beliefs Congress Golf Government Honesty Law Lies

The wind doesn't bother me. I'm in the U.S. Senate.

(1923 – ) U.S. senator (Kansas) & presidential candidate
Congress Government

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Congress Government Politicians Speech Time

Congress

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Congress Golf Government Sports

Senate: A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Government

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Emotions Government

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Talk is cheap – except when Congress does it.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Communication Congress Frugal Government Money Speech

Congress is back in season.

Congress Government Malaprops

Rear: In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Congress Definitions Military

Congress: A strange forum where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

Congress Definitions Government

The difference between a whore and a congressman is that a congressman makes more money.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Congress Government Sex

When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Congress Government

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Congress Entertainment Government Politicians Television

I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.

Congress Government

Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government Intelligence

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government People Situations Things

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Alcohol Congress Government

If Congress must do a painful thing, the thing must be done in an odd-number year.

Congress Government Murphy’s Laws Time

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Congress Government