Subject: Government » Elections/Voting

Vote early and vote often.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster

Hey folks, I’ll admit it — I didn’t vote; I didn’t like any of those bastards enough to risk jury duty.

comedian

Why am I running for president? … Well, my wife… says it is because I sustained several severe blows to the head in prison camp.

(1936 – 2018) U.S. senator (Arizona) and presidential candidate

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

America better beware of a candidate who is willing to stretch reality in order to win points.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

(1988 – ) English comedian, television presenter & actor

The presidential race continued to tighten up – in fact, according to some polls, John McCain is only 6 points behind Sarah Palin.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it’s a sport.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour; I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

You win some, you lose some, and then there’s that little-known third category.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

Recount: In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Running for senator in New York is like bobbing for piranhas.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine