Subject: Government » Lawyers

After last week’s preliminary hearing Saddam Hussein was asked if he needed anything while in custody; “Yes,” he said, “Michael Jackson’s lawyer.”

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Government Lawyers

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Government Law Lawyers Money Opinion

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Government Law Lawyers

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.

(1921 – 1999) American writer (The Godfather)
Conflict Crime Lawyers

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

I called my lawyer and said, ‘Can I ask you two questions?’ He said, ‘What’s the second question?

Government Lawyers Murphy’s Laws

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Government Law Lawyers Money Time

Karen, I am a lawyer, which means, unlike you, I actually passed a bar.

(1963 – ) Canadian-American actor
Lawyers TV/Movie Quotes

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author
Beliefs God Lawyers

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Government Intelligence Law Lawyers Understanding

I think that after the third marriage Georgie tried to claim his divorce attorney as a dependent.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Divorce Government Lawyers Marriage Taxes

I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men, but the guilty never escape unscathed; my fees are sufficient punishment for anyone.

(1933 – ) American attorney
Lawyers Miscellaneous

If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Education Government Law Lawyers School

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Government Insults Law Lawyers Money

Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

(1939 – ) American financial journalist
Lawyers Occupations

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

U2’s lawyers work pro bono.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Entertainment Lawyers Music

Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Government Law Lawyers Murphy’s Laws Time

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

Lawyers Money

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Lawyers Politicians Situations