Subject: Government » Lawyers

Lawyers make excellent patients; they have excellent health care and they never get better.

(1959 – ) American actor
Lawyers TV/Movie Quotes

I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men, but the guilty never escape unscathed; my fees are sufficient punishment for anyone.

(1933 – ) American attorney
Lawyers Miscellaneous

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Law Lawyers

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

Lawyers Money

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone – Sleeps Master John Gill; – By lies when alive this attorney did thrive, – And now that he's dead he lies still.

Epitaphs Lawyers Lies

A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500.

(1816 – 1888) American attorney, politician & United States Attorney General
Government Lawyers

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lawyers Life

After last week’s preliminary hearing Saddam Hussein was asked if he needed anything while in custody; “Yes,” he said, “Michael Jackson’s lawyer.”

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Government Lawyers

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Government Intelligence Law Lawyers Understanding

What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals Dogs Insults Lawyers

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Law Lawyers

I called my lawyer and said, ‘Can I ask you two questions?’ He said, ‘What’s the second question?

Government Lawyers Murphy’s Laws

What I need is a lawyer who specializes in the law of the jungle.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Government Law Lawyers

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Government Law Lawyers

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Government Law Lawyers Money Time

U2’s lawyers work pro bono.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Entertainment Lawyers Music

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author
Beliefs God Lawyers

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Communication Language Lawyers