Subject: Government » Lawyers (Page 2)

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Government Intelligence Law Lawyers Understanding

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Law Lawyers

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Government Law Lawyers Money Opinion

Beneath this smooth stone by the bone of his bone – Sleeps Master John Gill; – By lies when alive this attorney did thrive, – And now that he's dead he lies still.

Epitaphs Lawyers Lies

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Government Lawyers Occupations Work

I'm not an ambulance chaser; I'm usually there before the ambulance.

(1907 – 1996) American attorney
Government Law Lawyers

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Government Law Lawyers

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Lawyers Politicians Situations

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

Definitions Lawyers

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Government Law Lawyers

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

Rich people bring a lawyer; Latinos and blacks bring their moms.

(1976 – ) comedian
Lawyers Money Mothers People

After last week’s preliminary hearing Saddam Hussein was asked if he needed anything while in custody; “Yes,” he said, “Michael Jackson’s lawyer.”

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Government Lawyers

I think that after the third marriage Georgie tried to claim his divorce attorney as a dependent.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Divorce Government Lawyers Marriage Taxes

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Age Children Government Law Lawyers Young

A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself.

(1778 – 1868) English politician
Government Law Lawyers