Subject: Government » Law

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals Dogs Government Law

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

The legislature's job is to write law; it's the executive branch's job to interpret law.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Congress Government Law President

I feel proud to be living in a country where people are not afraid to laugh at themselves and where political satire is tolerated by the government, if not the television network.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Government Law Politics

The case has been going on for so long that I've forgotten whether I'm really innocent or guilty.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Government Law

Nothing is as dangerous as an unemployed lawyer.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Characteristics Government Law Lawyers

A jury is a group of twelve people of average ignorance.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher
Government Intelligence Law People

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.

Government Ideas Intelligence Law Murphy’s Laws

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.

(1927 – 1986) American attorney
Government Law

Master of the Rolls: Really, Mr Smith, do give this Court credit for some little intelligence.

Smith: That is the mistake I made in the Court below, My Lord.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Government Law

You’ve got to execute people; how else are they going to learn?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Government Law

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Education Law Money School

I always say… that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them… it’s my job.

(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
Government Law

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Government Law

When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal.

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Government Law President

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Government Law

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? … if they don’t know their rights, they shouldn’t be in the business.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Government Law

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law