Subject: Government » Law (Page 3)

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Crime Government Law

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?

Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Law Occupations Work

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
America Government Law Money Wealth

We shouldn’t have to be burdened with all the technicalities that come up from time to time with shrewd, smart lawyers interpreting what the laws or what the Constitution may or may not say.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Law Lawyers Misspokements

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Government Law Lawyers Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked.

Government Law Murphy’s Laws

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

I always say… that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them… it’s my job.

(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
Government Law

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law

These people have served a longer sentence than some people who have committed murder.

(1943 – ) American television journalist & author
Government Law Situations

Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.

Government Ideas Intelligence Law Murphy’s Laws

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Government Law

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.

(1927 – 1986) American attorney
Government Law

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

(1927 – ) American comedian
Government Law

Master of the Rolls: Really, Mr Smith, do give this Court credit for some little intelligence.

Smith: That is the mistake I made in the Court below, My Lord.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Government Law

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Appearance Body Fat Government Law

Easiest job you could ever have… whoever gets to put Michael Jackson in a witness chair and create "reasonable doubt."

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Law Situations