Subject: Government (Page 23)

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?

Smith: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Government Insults

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Government Intelligence Politicians

Virginia has already spent more on plugging Shawn Moore for the Heisman Trophy than Thomas Jefferson spent getting elected president.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Football Government Money Sports

All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

England Government Places Science/Weather

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

(1917 – 2004) American industrialist (Douglas Aircraft Company) & sportsman
Government

Under every stone lurks a politician.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright
Government Politicians

What a liberal wants is to bring about change which will not in any way endanger his position.

(1941 – 1998) Trinidadian-American and prominent figure in the Civil Rights Movement
Beliefs Government

You might be a redneck if… ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Government Law Marriage People Rednecks

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Democracy Government People

Politics is not a bad profession; if you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Politics

There are two reasons for making an appointment; either there was nobody else; or there was somebody else.

(1902 – 1967) British cabinet secretary
Government

The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

Government Murphy’s Laws Time

The rich aren’t like us… they pay less taxes.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
People Taxes Wealth

A Republican stands up in Congress and says I’ve got a really bad idea!' and the Democrat stands up after him and says 'and I can make it shittier!”

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Government Politicians

A conservative is someone who believes in reform… but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

If Congress must do a painful thing, the thing must be done in an odd-number year.

Congress Government Murphy’s Laws Time

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position

Government