Subject: Government (Page 24)

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.

Military Murphy’s Laws Problems

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Democracy: The worship of jackals by jackasses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government

Sex and politics are a lot alike; you don’t have to be good at them to enjoy them.

(1909 – 1998) U.S. senator (Arizona)
Government Politics Sex

A billion here, a billion there—pretty soon it adds up to real money.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Government Money

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

Conflict Military Murphy’s Laws War

All politics is local.

Government Murphy’s Laws Places Politics

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Animals Government Military Money

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government President

I had other priorities in the sixties than military service.

(1941 – ) U.S. vice president, politician & businessman
Government Military

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Government Law

The scariest guy in prison is the white guy… because he's guilty.

American comedian
Conflict Crime Law People

A jury is a group of twelve people of average ignorance.

(1820 – 1903) English philosopher
Government Intelligence Law People

If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Education Government Law Lawyers School

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Government Money Taxes Work

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Government