Subject: Government (Page 28)

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Intelligence Money Taxes

Mondale’s Offensive Looks Hard to Beat

Headlines Politicians

The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his commitment to principle.

Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

The greatest thing the Democrats have ever done for me was to defeat me for the governor of Tennessee.

(1903 – 1992) country music singer, fiddler & promoter
Failure Government Politics

Once a man wants to hold a public office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Occupations Politicians Work

Every girl dreams, when they grow up, they’re gonna marry a doctor, marry a lawyer; but me, I had to marry the only lawyer in America with a conscience.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Government Husbands Law Lawyers Marriage

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug – the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Elections/Voting Emotions Government

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Law Opinion

Dan Quayle deserves to be Vice President like Elvis deserved his black belt in karate.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Government Insults President

Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Government Laughter People

Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

No one ever carries too much ammo.

Military

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Money Taxes

Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Intelligence President

However harmless a thing is, if the law forbids it most people will think it wrong.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Government Law

There are two reasons for making an appointment; either there was nobody else; or there was somebody else.

(1902 – 1967) British cabinet secretary
Government

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
America Government People Places Politicians

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians