Subject: Government (Page 28)

The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.

Military

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

It is impossible to tell where the law stops and justice begins.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Government Law

I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.

(1927 – 1986) American attorney
Government Law

You want a friend in Washington?… get a dog.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Age Friends Government People Places

As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Government Misspokements

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? … have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining?

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Government Military

I would think the squad car cop is to the cop on a bike as the sketch artist is to the etch-a-sketch artist.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Government Law

The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to attempt to hide it.

Government Murphy’s Laws

The nearest approach to immortality on earth is a government bureau.

(1879 – 1972) U.S. governor (South Carolina)
Government Life

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday; I tell them, a paternity suit.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Law Old

Republicans elect stupid leaders with brilliant staffs and Democrats produce brilliant presidents with stupid staffs.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Government Politicians President

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer
Government Money Taxes

Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first.

American comedian
Government People President

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Government Law Lawyers

Ronald Reagan has held the two most demeaning jobs in the country; President of the United States and radio broadcaster for the Chicago Cubs.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Baseball President

Field experience is something you never get until just after you need it.

Military Murphy’s Laws

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lawyers Life

If we had more time for discussion we should probably have made a great many more mistakes.

(1879 – 1940) Russian Marxist revolutionary, theorist & Soviet politician
Government

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Animals Arms Government Things

Litigant: A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

Definitions Law