Subject: Government (Page 3)

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Law Lawyers

You don’t listen to a guy who looks like the kid in ‘Deliverance’ all grown up.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Government Opinion Politicians

If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers?

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Education Government Law Lawyers School

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.

(1928 – ) Armenian American politician
Golf Government Sports

The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.

Communication Military

You can't get rich in politics unless you are a crook.


Government Money Politics Wealth

At this point we should just make it the 51st state: Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Conflict Government War

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

[When parachuting] it is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Military Murphy’s Laws

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government Money

Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Government

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.

Military

No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Government Politicians Work

If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Lawyers Life

My parents were very pleased that I was in the Army; the fact that I hated it somehow pleased hem even more.

(1934 – ) Australian comedian, satirist, artist, & author
Government Military

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

America better beware of a candidate who is willing to stretch reality in order to win points.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
America Elections/Voting Government