Subject: Government (Page 3)

I was asked to name all the presidents… I thought they already had names.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Government President

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables
Conflict Government Politicians

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
Beliefs Facts Government Politics

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Law People Speech

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

Democracy: The worship of jackals by jackasses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Communication Language Lawyers

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws.

Government Murphy’s Laws

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

(1946 – ) American actor, voice actor & comedian
Government Military

Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Government Law

They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.

(1941 – ) Mayor of Providence, Rhode Island
Government Insults

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician
Beliefs Government Politicians

Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.

Government Murphy’s Laws

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.

(1917 – 2004) American industrialist (Douglas Aircraft Company) & sportsman
Government

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Military Murphy’s Laws

Democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Democracy Government

The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.

American comedian & writer
Government Politicians

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

The three toughest jobs in the world are: President of the United States, mayor of New York, and head football coach at Notre Dame.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Government Occupations Work