Subject: Government (Page 35)

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Government People

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Without discipline the Army would just be a bunch of guys wearing the same color clothing.

(1939 – 2000) American actor
Military TV/Movie Quotes

If Voting Changed Anything, They’d Made It Illegal

Elections/Voting Signs

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Try to look unimportant, because the bad guys may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

Military Murphy’s Laws

A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thought during a presidential tour.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Death Government Politicians

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor; it’s the other way around… they never vote for us.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Misspokements People

Critics noted Schwarzenegger’s only previous government experience was serving as chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, where his only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was doing anyway.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government

Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers… they are obviously alcoholics.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Places Politicians

Diplomat: A headwaiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally. 

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Government Occupations

Balancing the budget is like going to haven: everybody wants to do it, but nobody wants to do what you have to do to get there.

(1942 – ) U.S. senator (Texas)
Government

People say satire is dead; it's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Government Insults

Perhaps we could have a translation, I could not quite follow.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Communication Government

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Government Politics Speech

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it’s too much trouble putting make-up on two faces.

Australian comedian & actress
Characteristics Government People Politicians Women

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government… why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Taxes

[When parachuting] it is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Military Murphy’s Laws

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Government People Places Politicians