Subject: Government (Page 38)

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? … have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining?

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Government Military

Washington is a place where men praise courage and act on elaborate personal cost-benefit calculations.

(1908 – 2006) Canadian-American economist
Government Places

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author
Beliefs God Lawyers

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government Politicians

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Government Marriage Wives

Science Confirms: Politicians Lie

Headlines Politicians

A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites; these are the sensitive, liberal people who are always yelling about people's freedom of speech and expression, unless you happen to say something that pisses them off.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

Tracers work BOTH ways.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals Dogs Government Law

Liquor – you can make it illegal but you can't make it unpopular.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money

All politics is local.

Government Murphy’s Laws Places Politics

The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax.

(1860 – 1917) Scottish politician & judge
Government Taxes

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

(1972 – ) English standup comedian, writer & actor
Animals Arms Government Things

These guys from the nation's capital… now they do a lot of thinking.

(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Government Intelligence Thinking

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Democracy Government People

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Characteristics Conflict Government Politics

I’m not a politician and my other habits are good, also.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Characteristics Government Politicians

I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US. Congress.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Congress Government

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth