Subject: Government (Page 39)

Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.

Military Murphy’s Laws

My definition of a redundancy is an air bag in a politician's car.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director
Definitions Government Politicians

Get re-elected.

Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws

I learned in business that you had to be very careful when you told somebody that’s working for you to do something, because the chances were very high he’d do it; in government, you don’t have to worry about that.

(1920 – ) U.S. Secretary of State economist, statesman & businessman
Characteristics Government Occupations People Work

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Government Law Situations

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth

A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Government Politicians

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Government Law Lawyers

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

Dan Quayle deserves to be Vice President like Elvis deserved his black belt in karate.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality
Government Insults President

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

A government survey reveals the prime minister is doing the work of two men… Laurel and Hardy.

(1930 – 2016) Scottish stand-up comedian, actor, writer & broadcaster
England Government

Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements… or, as the White House calls it, a press conference.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Crime Government Law

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
America Government Intelligence Occupations Places Work

Dear Jack, don't buy a single vote more than necessary; I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.

(1888 – 1969) American businessman & father of President John Kennedy
Government

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
America Places Taxes

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Congress Entertainment Government Politicians Television

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Government Politics

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government Law Marriage Wives