Subject: Government (Page 45)

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Congress Government Intelligence Wisdom

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Definitions Government Politicians

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Elections/Voting Government

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession… and I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Government Politics

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Government Men Occupations People Work

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

There is a statue of limitation.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Law Malaprops

If you want to succeed in politics, you must keep your conscience well under control.

(1863 – 1945) British politician & statesman
Government Politics

The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Military

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Politicians

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

Communication Reading/Writing Taxes

Once the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

Military Murphy’s Laws

I love Barack Obama because when I go to Europe I don’t have to pretend to be Canadian any more.

(1967 – ) is an American comedian & actor
Characteristics Government President

Carter Plans Swell Deficit

Government Headlines

I have learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus; on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

(1922 – 1998) U.S. Representative (Arizona) & politician
Communication Government Language Politics

Science Confirms: Politicians Lie

Headlines Politicians

The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility.

(1894 – 1984) theatre critic
Government

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

(c. 620 – 564 BC) Greek slave and author of over 600 fables
Conflict Government Politicians

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Entertainment Government Situations

If you want the government off your back, get your hands out of its pockets.

(1936 – ) U.S. Senator (Colorado)
Government