Subject: Government (Page 6)

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers… they are obviously alcoholics.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Places Politicians

About one-fifth of the people are against everything all the time.

Government Murphy’s Laws

Astronomers have discovered two giant new solar systems, and with George W. Bush taking over the Presidency, it’s good to know we have options.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Government President

The only people who say worse things about politicians than reporters do are other politicians.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Communication Politicians

Only one thing, is impossible for God; to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Government Law

You win some, you lose some, and then there’s that little-known third category.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Elections/Voting Government Situations

A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

William Sydney Porter (1862 – 1910) American writer
Communication Elections/Voting

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Entertainment Government Situations

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Conflict Crime Death Government Law Murphy’s Laws

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Government President Sex Wives

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians Truth

If you want to get along, go along.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Government

The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.

(1922 – 2007) American novelist
Elections/Voting Government

Bureaucrat: A person who cuts red tape sideways. 

Government People

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Age Government People

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Elections/Voting Government

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you’re ready for them. 2. When you’re not ready for them.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The only way I can lose this election is if I’m caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.

(1927 – ) Louisiana politician & governor
Elections/Voting Government