Subject: Government (Page 7)

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty; if that doesn’t work, the military will try renaming Iraq ‘Super Cancun.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Sex and politics are a lot alike; you don’t have to be good at them to enjoy them.

(1909 – 1998) U.S. senator (Arizona)

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur

The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent.

(1860 – 1921) U.S. senator (Pennsylvania)

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Don’t look conspicuous – in the combat, it draws fire; out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.