Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Government
(Page 7)
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.
John F Kennedy
(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family
Government
Mothers
Politicians
President
The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Government
Politicians
Poverty
Corrupt
Democrats
Republicans
Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Government
Capitol
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Government
Politicians
Democrats
Saloons
Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.
Anonymous
Definitions
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty; if that doesn’t work, the military will try renaming Iraq ‘Super Cancun.’
Amy Poehler
(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Government
Military
TV/Movie Quotes
Sex and politics are a lot alike; you don’t have to be good at them to enjoy them.
Barry Goldwater
(1909 – 1998) U.S. senator (Arizona)
Government
Politics
Sex
Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict
Definitions
Government
Revolution
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
Mary Louise Cecilia 'Texas' Guinan
(1884 – 1933) American saloon keeper, actress & entrepreneur
Government
Politicians
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
A Murphy's Military Law
Arms
Intelligence
Military
A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.
Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry
Money
Murphy’s Laws
Politicians
Governors
Grants
Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.
Unknown
Lawyers
Money
Public office is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Boies Penrose
(1860 – 1921) U.S. senator (Pennsylvania)
Government
Intelligence
People
Competency
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
A Murphy's Military Law
Military
Injuries
He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government
People
President Harry Truman
When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict
Government
War
Missles
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Government
IRS
Jail
Patriotism
Don’t look conspicuous – in the combat, it draws fire; out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
A Murphy's Military Law
Military
Murphy’s Laws
Conspicuous
Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.
Anonymous
Definitions
Lawyers
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government
Lawyers
Politicians
Situations
The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
Chism's Law of Completion
Government
Murphy’s Laws
Time
Projects
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