Subject: Government (Page 9)

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.

Government Murphy’s Laws

Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.

Communication Language Lawyers

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

Communication Reading/Writing Taxes

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.

(1883 – 1946) English economist
Government Intelligence Money Taxes

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep

Military

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.

Government Ideas Intelligence Law Murphy’s Laws

Your honor, may I encroach the bench?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Law Malaprops

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Elections/Voting Government

If you want the government off your back, get your hands out of its pockets.

(1936 – ) U.S. Senator (Colorado)
Government

The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a non-threatening incompetence.

Elections/Voting Government Murphy’s Laws

Science Confirms: Politicians Lie

Headlines Politicians

You might be a redneck if… ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Government Law Marriage People Rednecks

The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.

Military Murphy’s Laws

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Democracy Government People

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Age Law Old Sex

I have never found, in a long experience of politics, that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Communication Intelligence Politicians

I'm not an ambulance chaser; I'm usually there before the ambulance.

(1907 – 1996) American attorney
Government Law Lawyers