Subject: Government (Page 9)

I would think the squad car cop is to the cop on a bike as the sketch artist is to the etch-a-sketch artist.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Government Law

I don't believe I'll ever get credit for anything I do in foreign affairs, no matter how successful it is, because I didn't go to Harvard.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Government Success

My grandmother’s brain was dead, but her heart was still beating; it was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Government Politics

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Entertainment Government Military Music Places

Lawyer: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.

Definitions Lawyers

The difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Government

Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.

Military Murphy’s Laws

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Government President Time

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Military Murphy’s Laws War

Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Democracy Education Government

Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress’s role.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Congress Government

If you want to get along, go along.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Government

What’s needed in government is more horse sense and less nonsense.

Government

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Government Politics

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
America Government People Places Politicians

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Government Lawyers Politicians Situations

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Mr. Speaker, I withdraw; half the cabinet are not asses.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Government

A candidate could easily commit political suicide if he were to come up with an unconventional thought during a presidential tour.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Death Government Politicians

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Wealth