Subject: Government » Politicians

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Politicians

1. Get elected
2. Get re-elected
3. Don’t get mad, get even.

Anger Elections/Voting Emotions Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.

(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator
Government Intelligence Politicians

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it’s too much trouble putting make-up on two faces.

Australian comedian & actress
Characteristics Government People Politicians Women

According to reports, President Bush and John Kerry have combined $23 million left over from the 2004 presidential campaign, while Ralph Nader recently discovered some old gum in his hair.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
Elections/Voting Politicians TV/Movie Quotes

Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.

Government Money Murphy’s Laws Politicians

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?… a Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Government Politicians

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Under every stone lurks a politician.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright
Government Politicians

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Intelligence Memory Politicians

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.

(1839 – 1902) Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives
Government Politicians

Once a man wants to hold a public office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Occupations Politicians Work

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

(1790 – 1869) French writer, poet & politician
Government Politicians

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Politicians

The bosom friend of senators and congressmen was about as daring as an early Shirley Temple movie.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Government Insults Politicians

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.

(1912 – 2007) U.S. first lady, wife of Lyndon Johnson
Government Insults Politicians

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

I don't know what was wrong with my television last night, but I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station, and I actually bought a congressman.

(1951 – ) American comedian & writer
Congress Entertainment Government Politicians Television

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Government Politicians