Subject: Government » Politicians

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

The statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist

What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?… a Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

I could not stand the strain of having to be right all the time.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

Republicans elect stupid leaders with brilliant staffs and Democrats produce brilliant presidents with stupid staffs.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

A politician is a man who approaches every question with an open mouth.

(1770 – 1827) British statesman, politician & prime minister

Compared to the Clintons, Reagan is living proof that a Republican with half a brain is better than a Democrat with two.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

When no viable candidate exists, someone will nominate a Kennedy.

Democrats Are Sexy. Who Ever Heard of Good Piece of Elephant.

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs.

(1790 – 1869) French writer, poet & politician

A statesman is a successful politician who is dead.

(1839 – 1902) Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

The difference between Democrats and Republicans?… Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.

American comedian & writer

Politicians are wedded to the truth, but like many other married couples they sometimes live apart.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress

Statesman: A politician who is held upright by equal pressure from all directions.

According to reports, President Bush and John Kerry have combined $23 million left over from the 2004 presidential campaign, while Ralph Nader recently discovered some old gum in his hair.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

The general rule is that a democratic politician had better not be right too soon.

(1889 – 1974) American intellectual, writer, reporter & political commentator

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine