Subject: Headlines (Page 36)

Divine Intervention by Taxi Firm

House Republicans Are Split on Why They’re Divided

Butter Said as Deadly as Cigarettes

Turkeys, Manure Pass Through the Senate

Low Pay Reason For Poverty, Study Says

Inmate Missing After Escaping Via Mail Slot

New Zealand Scientists Use Balloon to Measure Cattle Farts

White Flower Two Day Sale – (Friday Only)

Frankenstein Crowned Miss South Dakota

Nudist Welfare Worker’s Model Wife Falls for Chinese Hypnotist from the Co-op Bacon Factory

Heads Thrown Out Of Meeting

Brighton Students Most Satisfied in the Country

Barefoot Prowler Nabbed After Leaving His Flip-Flops At Crime Scene

Local Man Has Longest Horns In Texas

Man Hit By Train – Twice in 2 Weeks!

New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time In A Year

Half Of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study For Graduation

For Now, There's No End Insight

Aliens To Fill Future Jobs Need Say Experts

"Goofy" Confesses To 140 Murders

Dog Saves Owner’s Life After Cat Starts Fire