Subject: Headlines (Page 45)

Suspected Alien Boat Dodges Customs

Lindsay Lohan: Rehab Was a ‘Sobering Experience’

Clinton Pledges Restraint in Use of Nuclear Weapons

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Woman Finds a Hat in a Tree

No One Killed in Fatal Car Crash

Police Arrest Everyone On February 22nd

Priest in Fatal Crash Improves

Hopes Soar For First Supersonic Pumpkin Flight

Woman Vanishes After She Drops Off Kids

Ford Contour Sales Slow To Accelerate

Chicken With Artificial Legs Dies A Hero

Spates Guilty of Murder, Asks, “Please find me not guilty of the crimes that I've committed.”

Lost Language Found But No One Can Read It

Baker Stabbed Woman 99 Times In Self-Defense

Driver Shocked As Sheep Emerges From Pothole

Nurse Fends Off Crocodile

Coach Knows All To Well How This Feels

Stud Tires Out

Dutch Undertakers Hire Clown to Lighten the Mood

Man Apprehended After Running Unclad Through Wal-Mart Store And On Route 295 In Warwick