Subject: Headlines (Page 47)

If England Are Going To Win This Match, They're Going To Have To Score A Goal

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Golfers Warned Not To Lick Balls

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Monkeys Control Robots With Their Minds

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Kayaking Is Hard When the Water Is Frozen

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Most Surgeons Face Cuts

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Peer’s Seat Burns All Night; Ancient Pile Destroyed

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God Commissions Theme Park

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Wife Drowns In Kitchen While Looking For Food

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Aliens Are In Control Of Blair, Say Serb Psychics

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Divorce Is Like A Lonely Gerbil

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Judge Acts to Reopen Theater

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Suicide To Go Commercial, Says BBC Head

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Humpty Dumpty Wins Award For Balance

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Van In Pork Pie Ambush

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Giant Snails Get Set To Take Over

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Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police

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At Yesterday's Columbus Day Fair, a Woman Was Bitten By a Dog in the Entertainment Area

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Snake Throws Master Into Cell

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Bush Asks Nation for Patients

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Severed Hand Saved By Peas

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Prostitute Says Government Ruining Trade

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