Subject: Health » Doctors

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Doctors Health

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean “your guess is as good as mine.”

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Doctors Health

Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You

Doctors Headlines Health

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Death Doctors Health

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Doctors Health

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

The operation was a complete success, but the patient died of something else.

Death Doctors Health

Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health TV/Movie Quotes

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Doctors Health

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

comedian
Doctors Health People Self

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author
Doctors Health Marriage

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems… like your groinocology.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.

(1664 – 1721) English poet & diplomat
Death Doctors Health