Subject: Health » Doctors

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

Oh, they’ve broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health TV/Movie Quotes

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Doctors Family Fathers Health

I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine, but it turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Emotions Health Laughter

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws Problems

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Body Doctors Old

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

Half a psychiatrist's patients see him because they are married – the other half because they're not.

(1905 –1998) American author
Doctors Health Marriage

… expensive care

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Doctors Health

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Doctors Government Health Law Lawyers