Subject: Health » Doctors

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places; he told me to keep out of those places.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health Places Situations

A man walked into the doctor’s; the doctor said, ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time.' … The man replied, ‘I know, I’ve been ill.'

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Doctors Health

Doctor, feel my purse.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Doctors Health

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems… like your groinocology.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Doctors Health

I told my doctor, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills” and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Doctors Health

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator
Doctors Health Mistakes

A rule of thumb in the matter of medical advice is to take everything any doctor says with a grain of aspirin.


Doctors Health Wordplay

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health People

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School