Subject: Health » Doctors

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Doctors Health

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Doctors Health

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Death Doctors Health Money

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Family Health

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

[to the doctor] How about what I done for you in the bottle there? Ya know, the eulogy test.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

Doctors Headlines

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

This is one of the healthiest X-rays I’ve ever seen… but if we compare that with yours…

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Doctors Health

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health