Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 2)

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers

He is a servant of humanity… who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Paradox: Two physicians.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.