Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 2)

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Doctors Health

Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Doctors Health

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Doctors Health

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems… like your groinocology.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Doctors Health Old Things

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

If your time ain’t come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Proverbs

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless there were three other people.

(1915 – 1985) stage & film actor & director
Doctors Eating Food/Drink

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Doctors Health Situations

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Health

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Doctors Health

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.


(1608 – 1661) English churchman & historian
Doctors Health

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Doctors Emotions Health

My shrink gives me 75 per cent off if I make believe I’m someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Doctors Health

An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Doctors Health

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work