Subject: Health » Doctors (Page 3)

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

My doctor is wonderful; once, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

(1918 – 2007) American entertainer, actor & television host

If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

The operation was a success, but I’m afraid the doctor is dead.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

We may lay down a maxim, that when a nation abounds in physicians it grows thin of people.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

She got her good looks from her father, he’s a plastic surgeon.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

… expensive care

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Double Jeopardy: When your doctor calls in a consulting physician.